It has to go somewhere

I am excited. We're beginning a new year. I've felt a lot of loss this past year, but I am realizing that with each loss, or hurt that I am gaining something within myself, and I kinda like it. I'm stronger, braver, happier and more content than I have ever been. And a large part of getting there has been acceptance of who I am and who others are. Letting go of what I wish I were or what others were.... It's quite liberating. I am beginning to trust my own instincts and not look to other people to confirm whether or not I am "ok". And since I am not spending all this energy on trying to present myself to each person in the way I believe they want me to be, rather just BEING ME....I have more energy for being present in all my relationships. It sounds so simple...and it is amazing. Happy New Year! Looking forward to writing more this year....

She said she didn't want me. She was poor. Young. She hadn't even wanted sex and certainly not an infant.  She wanted them to take her mistake away.  She was in a hurry for me to become a bad memory. I was inconvenient. They said I should be grateful. After all, they wanted me.  I was lucky. Chosen.  But they didn't want my thoughts, and wouldn't stand for sadness.  They were ashamed of my differences. I wouldn't conform.  I was inconvenient. He said he wanted to see me. I was pretty. Smart.  But he didn't want what I could give. Only what he could take.  After his crime he didn't want to hear his mistake crying.  Must stay quiet.  I was inconvenient. He was a friend. He said that I was safe with him. I could trust.  I believed him. But, I guess even friendship has its limits.  I was in pain. Sad and weakened by pain. Despair.  He said it was too hard to see. I was no longer worth it. Not profitable.  I was defi...