Creepy and crawly.

I hate bugs. I think we should ban them. I know that they are God's little creatures and do all kinds of good stuff for the planet...yeah yeah. But I really hate bugs. I tried to look at them and wonder at their complexity, at their beauty. I mean, sure, I get it, they have some cool features. Take bees. Go ahead, Google for facts on bees. There are some cool facts about honey, and rapid heartbeats, the colony and flight patterns. But all I really need to know...they will sting you. Uh huh. Don't really care about a bumble bee's wing to weight ratio when it stings me. And spiders. I mean, come on. Is anyone really buying this whole "good for your garden" stuff? Not me. That sounds like some kind of spider propaganda if you ask me. I admit it. They scare me. I may not scream or faint, but on the inside. I'm screaming when I see a spider. I've seen people find a spider and scoop it up carefully on a piece of paper, marveling at it's majesty and then they "set it free" outdoors. And I want to just squash them. And I am not talking about the spider. If I weren't so freakin' scared of the creepy spider I would rip it right from the little life-saving mission and smash it to bits right then and there. But I can't. Too scared.

And roaches or beetles. Anything with that crunchy, shiny shell...Ugh. Gives me shivers. All clicky and sticky. No sense in having them here either. You can't even kill them without having to throw a large brick at them or something. It's all very messy.

Mosquitoes? Flies? Nobody likes them. They are little disease vectors. They bite and what they don't have in the fear factor they make up by pure annoyance. The other morning. A weekend, I might add. I was resting peacefully when a freaking fly decided to toy with me. It was one of those big, loud, slow ones. Of course, probably not slow enough for me to track down, just slow enough to be extra annoying. I didn't want to get up. It was barely light out, I was all snuggled up with my pup. But this stupid fly just kept swooping around, buzzing. Walking around on me like he owned the place. I put my blankets over my head. But he was determined. He notched up the buzzing. Starting picking on Moxie, who hates bugs almost as much as I do. (smart dog) She began jetting all over the bed trying to catch it. I, being a superior-evolved being, didn't just get up and get the fly swatter and end it. NO. I decided to get into a power struggle with the a fly. I wasn't going to let him "win". So I didn't get up. I stayed in bed cursing him and all other flying insects for a couple of hours. And then got up. Of course when I got up and got my glasses on, he was nowhere to be found. I hate bugs.

Sure, there are some "nice" bugs. Who doesn't like butterflies? Awwww. Here's the thing. In my little made up scenario of banning bugs, it is all or nothing. And in that case... Kill 'em. Kill them all. So a few ladybugs and butterflies have to die for the greater good. I can live with that.